Idea For A Short Short

INTERIOR.
The television studio set of a talent show-style reality program.

At stage left and right stand two white men in their thirties, dressed in khakis and pastel Brooks Brothers shirts - they are obviously secret homosexual lovers, or possibly long lost brothers who met at a magic convention. Stage center stands David Hasselhoff. He is very concerned about his hair. He is very possibly not drunk, but wishes he were.

The two men are surrounded by objects, organized in order of increasing danger - from bowling pins to hockey sticks, to butcher knives, to chainsaws, to live grenades, to live tigers - which they intend to juggle between one another and across Hasselhoff. The schtick is to pump up the danger of the objects for the benefit of the crowd and the judges. The men take longer and longer intervals between acts, playing up the menace and the suspense.

MAN #1 - Oh wow David, I think that last chainsaw cleaved some skin cells off your ear!

MAN #2 - Better get that DNA sample to the lab, I think David might be your daughter's real dad.

MAN #1 - Oh boy! Well I better be careful with these live grenades then! Wouldn't want my child to grow up without a father.

MAN #2 - No kidding, and who would be left to satisfy your wife while you're out of town?

MAN #1 - I hear David's a real animal lover, so let's introduce the new pet cat!

MAN #2 - Now ladies and gentlemen, this is Misha, and she's a 300 lb. snow tiger from Siberia. It's a long way from Siberia and poor Misha hasn't had a thing to eat, and the only entertainment on the plane was old reruns of Bay Watch, so you can see she's a little cranky. Our animal experts tell us that cats like Misha don't like too much stimulation and react aggresively to unfamiliar situations...

MAN #1 - Oh man, then why did we give her headphones and blast Wagner into her ears?

MAN #2 - Good call! Guess someone's gonna get fired for that blunder! Alright folks, are you ready?

MAN #1 - We said, Are You Ready?

MAN #2 - Three!

MAN #1 - Two!

MAN #2 - One!

MAN#1 - Zero!

MAN #2 - Negative one!

MAN #1 - Twelve!

MAN #2 raises a revolver and shoots David Hasselhoff in the head five times. The two men walk off stage in silence. Misha remains behind to scavenge the corpse.

CURTAIN.